Why Choosing The People That Judge You Is No One Else's Business

There once was a frog wall scaling contest. The frog that touched the rooftop first would be declared the winner.

The participants assembled with much enthusiasm and were soon whistled into action by the starter. The cheering crowd was unhelpful. Loud comments such as "no one from our village has ever crossed that point and will not", sucked away the endurance in frog X and his village mates. So, they fell off. The same happened to most of the participants and they easily fell off because they recognised the distinct voices of those they generally viewed as wiser.

But one determined frog stayed the course and tapped the rooftop. He was crowned the winner. And when interviewed to determine how he won the tough race, it emerged that he was deaf. As others fell off because of the discouragement received from the energy-sapping crowds, the champion frog heard nothing negative. His weakness became his strength.

Are you the deaf and self-propelled frog, or are you regulated by an unhelpful lot? And perhaps at your expense.

Leadership guru and author, John Maxwell, has gifted us the concept of the five levels of leadership whose use in this article today is turned around, for us to pick for ourselves the kind of judges we ought to have in our lives. Let us explore them briefly before tying them up to the frog analogy.

Maxwell terms Level one leadership as Position leadership. People only listen to you because of your position at work. Yes, you have their audience but you have not earned it. After work and on weekends, no one wants to see or hear from you. When you lose your job, people thank the organisation for the good riddance and assemble to celebrate the exit of a tyrant. Most leaders never grow beyond this level hence, the ubiquity of unhelpful people in the world as we know it. Could this type be what comprises your present mentors?

John Maxwell encourages leaders to step up to Level Two, the Permission level where those you lead have permitted you to do so because of your humane and practical style. They clearly see how they professionally benefit from your presence. Everyone loves these types of bosses and staff would sacrifice their weekends for courses championed by such leaders.

But not so many people scale the wall further up to attain the next level—much as staying at this Level two zone keeps the organisation working well.

Level three is the Production level. People love the leader because of his demonstrated contribution to the organisation. This person leads by example and does not demand of the team what he cannot support them with to attain their goals. At the very least, this leader already has the trappings of Level two and with this new third level, he is closer to having the Midas touch. People can do nearly anything for such leaders.

The People Level comes a high fourth. People love the leader because of what he has done for people. Leaders here grow people. Very few make it here. It is a total contrast to the Position level where people respect the office but not the holder.

Not only will people make time for such leaders, but they will also wish to stay close to them. They ooze positivity. Very few get past this level but staying perched here is good enough and takes years to earn. The world around us is a better place because of these leaders.

The final Level is the Pinnacle level, mostly attained by a determined few. These leaders have achieved everything they possibly could and are living their dreams. They haven't killed anyone's dream either. Many times, their advice becomes the foundational principles with which others live their lives. They inspire confidence in society at large and are the icons of their times.

It is a fact of life that anyone in whatever position of leadership feels confident enough to air opinions about others. Some from the rooftops and others, in private. Level ones, feel entitled to do so regardless of the environment in which this is happening. They expect that their management position entitles them to lord over all and sundry.

My guesstimate is that 80% of the world is forced to make do with the inappropriate judgement of wrongly positioned people in their lives. We must constantly search for the 20% who make good judges or better still, good and caring pathfinders and shapers.

When your bench of self-appointed life judges are Level one types and below randomly picked from the worst in the crowd that discouraged able-bodied frogs from winning the race, then what chances of winning do you stand?

Who has your permission to hold you accountable? And who from the general public has your permission on matters correction and growth?

When people from Level one leadership zone or below pass judgement on you, depending on your attitude, it can hurt because of its mutilating nature. But life never throws candy your way most times. So, we are forced to develop robust coping mechanisms.

Others choose to develop a thick skin to overcome the sharpness of the arrows aimed at them.

Others go deaf like the champion frog. But many succumb to negativity in the sea of venom around them.

The best attitude to have is that which liberates you from the paralysing opinions of others. Know where you are now and where you are headed. Along the way, pick what aids your progress and ignore what pulls you back.

Do not be like the salt that easily dissolves in water or the ice that readily melts in warm weather. Be like the steel rod that withstands the tormentor's freeze and thaw mechanisms. Don't hand away the power in you to the loose-mouths and voluntary verbal sewers to determine life for you.

There is no better feeling than that of self-assurance amid a negative energy wielding crowd. I have an acquaintance who laughs off any negativity presented to him. That totally weakens the venomist's intentions. Turn on your filters to sieve away negativity just as the deaf frog's ears did when it mattered the most.

And if you must choose judges for your life's affairs, find those at the People level and upwards. They add value. We have one life to live and it must be rich in purpose and experiences.

Be discerning when picking your life's judges. Some are good on the outside but badly need a leadership appendicectomy as they harbour dirt and toxins. You must have examined them deeply.