Managing Role Conflict —The Inevitable Juggling Act

Typically, adults above 36 years of age, are an all-in-one package of the famed many moving parts narrative—as a parent, spouse, employee or business owner, a boss, friend, congregation member, and many more roles that call for diligent execution.

When one is hard at work and in the middle of a career-enhancing project and that dreaded phone call comes in from the house-help—"I am packed up and ready to leave, please find someone else to take care of the baby", perhaps as a reaction to your merciless dress-down tantrum before leaving for work that morning.

Life immediately turns upside down. In your heart, work is a priority that's not bigger than the baby. But the reality is that it's that job that makes it possible to keep both baby and the sitter comfortable.

Or when you sent out the driver on a school run because an important meeting coincided with the kids pick up time, and in the middle of it, your pastor phones you to urgently attend prayers at his house having spotted your vehicle parked outside a famous brothel courtesy of the driver's escapade.

What about that moment when the family is all psyched up for the dream holiday trip— the tickets are all bought, kids and spouse packed up, and then, the board chairman calls you to solve the crisis that just arose from the regulators threatening to shut down the company if their compliance-based demands are not honoured within three days?

Consider that friend who is in all WhatsApp groups s/he possibly could be in and always proves that they are the closest to everyone therein, but then simultaneously and unfortunately, someone in all these groups loses a loved one and the funeral contribution lists go up at the same time. 20 groups in all requiring you to demonstrate that a friend in need is a friend indeed. And the month is at that bad penniless corner that renders you all but unhelpful.

That the kids fought in school and your presence is urgently needed on the day the board meeting requires your presence is amongst a myriad of possible scenarios that unexpectedly pose challenges.

Role conflict is an experience we often find ourselves in when one role suddenly overlaps with another that is in progress and cannot be delegated. Role conflict management is an essential aspect of our lives. The pitfalls are clear.

There are as many philosophies governing them as there are people. You must pick what works for you.

1. The happy-go-lucky type may get away with stressful moments severally but will encounter that one lifelong devastation that changes everything. The house-help may not interpret your happy-go-lucky moment and just go away without factoring in the damage caused to you at work when you absconded the project to secure your child.

This will force you to rewrite the rules book so that you behave at home as you would at work. You must align your adopted behaviour in the environment outside your control with your natural behaviour when in control of your environment.

Learning to manage ecosystems is crucial for one misstep upsets the balance.

2. The control freak always attempts to manipulate events and circumstances around others such that they remain the centre of attention at all times. Bribes, threats and lies mark this style. Children will get treats and threats in equal measure, but the experiences accumulate and at some point in time, the pent-up pressure begs for a release valve and in its absence, an irreparable explosion occurs. Accepting that others are just as important as the control freak is key but this often comes too little too late in the day.

Everyone at work will think that this person is an angel but when something gives them away, the rot in the guts begins to give off whiffs of who the character really is. Usually, for this type, the moment to explain oneself out when caught is never granted. The damage is permanent.

3. There are the types of people that are open about their limitations and remain practical within the prevailing circumstances. These never fear looking bad so long as they have done what is right by them.

These guys never volunteer to avail themselves to courses that spread them thin, given their full plates. They have the power of saying "no" when they must. This gives them the time and space to focus on whatever it is they have committed themselves to. Nobody faults them for saying no because they give genuine reasons.

4. There is that networking crazy person who believes in keeping themselves overly busy with continuous networking opportunities. People pleasers. This is akin to what befalls public administrators who are often out at work for long hours and at the expense of family life.

They are out solving everyone else's problems save for their own. And when things worsen, they realise that their powers to self-medicate faded away with their false promises to be home early every time they had one more problem to solve for the neighbours. These types believe that there will be time to attend to their matters but only realise it when it is too late that they missed their perfect chances to play their roles meaningfully.

5. We have quitters. When things happen, they sojourn for days or months until the matter is either forgotten by the victims or they themselves forget about it. If they are critical pillars in the lives of those they run away from, then the victims may over time, devise mild ways of indulging these quitters on their immediate challenges. It is never the best way but it happens all over the place.

Some quitters simply change identities or feign ignorance on matters at hand. They relocate far away and start life afresh only to return when the abandoned offspring become successful in life.

The rule of thumb is to never chew more than you can swallow. Also, build dependable alliances in all areas of life for they come in handy.

You cannot juggle all roles without the input of others. Everyone around you counts, including the market madman who heard people plotting to kill a certain man who always gave him a coin or two whenever he could. The madman narrated the plan in detail and saved a precious life.